Virtues and Vices and Understanding the Difference

First off the recent Pew Center survey of religious feeling, particularly the gender demographics details, seem to be somewhat relevant. Looking at the data, what we see about a 45/55 male/female split in affiliation with Christian religions and the opposite in non-Christian religions (eg Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Unitarianism). We also see dramatically more men than women identifying as atheist (70/30) or agnostic (64/36). Also, if you look at more of the Pew data, there is a definite correlation between religions with high male representation and less frequent church attendance. This would seem to support the basic premise of the book that man tend to favor belief systems that don't rely on frequent meetings. (Also, interestingly, there is a high correlation between high male identification and high average educational levels, which might indicate that men favor intellectual, rather than emotional or charismatic, approaches to belief).

I think that Murrow repeatedly conflated two things in his book: "masculine" spiritual virtues, such as bravery, sacrifice, etc. and natural (in the Mosiah 3:19 sense) male behaviors, such as slovenliness, rowdiness, competitiveness, etc. He seems to argue that we need to embrace all these behaviors at once, which I think is absurd. His focus on making men "comfortable" by turning the spiritual thermostat of our churches (at the expense of a little discomfort from the women) seems antithetical, to me, of the whole purpose of church. No one should be comfortable, spiritually. We should all be spurred on to overcome those aspects of our personalities which are not in tune with God. Whether those aspects are typically male or female.

So some of his suggestions I think would result in a positive corrective to femininization (if that's a real trend, and some of his anecdotes particularly regarding "praise" sessions seem somewhat persuasive) of religion, and some of his suggestions I think would amount to destroying the religion in order to increase church attendance.

On a personal level, I have noticed as a result of reading this book that I've begun to focus my personal prayers and study on what Murrow (and society, I suppose) considers more masculine virtues. Rather than solely praying for more kindness, compassion, and patience, I've also been praying for greater strength, bravery, and willingness to sacrifice. I don't know whether the church is systemically unbalanced in this area (I tend to doubt it) but I believe that I personally can learn something from this lesson.

I particularly found Murrow's suggestion to encourage spiritual apprenticeship or mentoring between male generations to be interesting. One of the things I find difficult in life is that I live so far away from my father, and am unable to turn to him for advice and teaching on a lot of subjects. One of the things I've appreciated in church is the example of older men who can give me advice on the issues that a 30-year-old husband, young father, second counselor, home owner typically face. I don't know if a more formalized relationship would be even better (Murrow's "discipleship"), but I know that it's one of the greatest blessings I can identify of my church attendance.

As for the question of young men, I don't really know. In our ward I know that the YM and YW programs are dramatically different: the YM get together to play sports, or go hiking, or learn a new skill (largely through the Boy Scouts program). The YW get together to talk and watch movies and eat ice cream. Our girls tend to be much sillier and goofier and funnier than our boys (an aspect that I think Murrow mistakenly attributes as "masculine") . I think our YMs program is doing a much better job with the less significant portion of Murrow's conflation: we're making boys feel more comfortable, but we're failing in teaching them the important spiritual aspects of what it takes to be a man. We're pandering to their nature and not appealing to their spirits. And I think its the spiritual aspects that will push them to missionary service and lifetime dedication to the church.

So, to conclude my rambling rant, while I think the book was completely misguided, terribly written, annoyingly repetitive and full of mischaracterizations, weak generalizations, and ideological conflations, I'm glad to learn some good lessons from it. My takeaway will be to be more observant regarding balance within the spiritual focus of myself, my family and my ward.